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University is a time where you may really struggle with mental health and emotions that brew within the mysterious mind- and it may hit a time when the concoction turns sour.
Mine finally spoilt.
Unlike the times when the overwhelming stress of finishing a deadline in the last few days before the assignment is due, I become the unsuspecting victim suffocating in the tsunami of loneliness.
The funny thing is that physically all my main friendship groups are the closest they have ever been but also, the furthest that I have felt from them. For a couple of months, I was prioritising work and summer placements, I was slaving endless hours scouring the internet for my entry into the world of work. Was sacrificing socialising for productivity worth it in my futile placement search? S l o w l y but surely, I was being left behind- forgotten, a distant friend.
As I kept pushing the gatherings, I was unknowingly pushing my friends away. My support system of friends are active yet dormant. My presence within gatherings were decreasing, my participation was decreasing, my value and importance was decreasing. The only connection tying me together within the groups is my icon that remains omnipresent. Despite knowing that the invitations extends onto me, I have reached a point where I am withdrawing myself and struggle to join in again.
Previously, the friendship was so present and constant within my life where I was a vital member within the group talking daily about nonsense but now, I open the chat icon and stare. I understand that they have other friends, priorities and things that needs to be done but this plummeting feeling of loneliness is consuming.
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