The Not So Little Pimples of Insecurity

Even the most confident of people have bundles of insecurity wedged deep deep inside themselves. It's just that they don't show it to the world.

At school, I'm probably the most smiley person you would meet and I rarely let anything get to me aside from the usual Monday blues. But during the more quieter times like the morning, when I'm brushing my teeth and when I look in the mirror, I just want to hide.

I've  read endless amounts of articles to find 'cures' to get over an individuals insecurity. Despite reading a million and one articles, I haven't really found a 'cure'.The insecurity is just suppressed.

Summer '09
Everything has a backstory,right? So let's start mine.

From the age of 10, I could have been considered overweight. It was no longer considered 'baby fat' therefore it was no longer cute and endearing. It's weird how the perception of something changes when our age changes.

Every year I would go to HK to visit my family, every year I would dread having dinner with my aunt. In summer'09, she asked, 'What do you want to do with your future.' Those harmless words soon became something I learned to detest.

I really do respect my aunt, she's an independent women who believes in continually improving herself however sometimes, her realist attitude can cause problems. I had replied to her question fairly ambiguously saying that I don't really know what I want to do. The free-fire of words that punctured my naive and young self made me raw. 'You're fat, not clever and you're unsure about the future. If worst comes to worst you can't even live off a man cause you're not that pretty. So what do you do?'. Despite the harsh words, I knew that to some extent she was right however, my brain has unconsciously tried to block those words. Slowly but surely my insecurity of how I look began to grow.

Acne scars causes scars within
Now that I am getting older, many of us have gone past that acne stage that we had all dreaded.
Sadly, the acne Gods has not been too kind on me. They have blessed me with many scars on my face, back and even chest that I sometimes feel disgusted looking at myself in the mirror. My cheeks have become a canvas created by pointillism of scars and raw red skin like a twisted art piece and my confidence has plummeted down within the realms of Hades empire.

Layers upon layers of foundation go onto my face daily but they still remain a constant reminder when they peek through the barricades that I have created. To my own disgust, a few months ago I can hardly step out the house without a thin layer of makeup to shield myself from what I feel like are judging glaces but in reality, those people don't even give a fuck.

But lately, I've been having good skin days which really boost my confidence a little even if those days are minimal.

A Tiny Skip In The Right Direction
In this generation, there has been an obsession with how to achieve flawless makeup, the perfect pout and keeping up with the latest makeup trends. I was sucked into this black hole which had impaired me of my priorities. I am slowly getting over my insecurities like weaning myself off makeup till I'm confident enough to go out bare faced and avoid critiquing myself in the mirror and becoming more conscious about what I'm eating.

Hopefully, this is a step in the right direction,

1 comment

  1. I think everyone can relate to this! It's just the nature of this day and age Unfortunately...self love and positivity is the way forward! X

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